| @TheBigFashionGuy |
A Few Summer Style Staples: Denim, Seersucker, Floral Print, and a Nice pair of Wing Tips ;)
fat, queer, brown, cis dude. late 20's college student. into radical, feminist, decolonial politics, poc supremacy, queer separatism, general insurrection, and mermaids.
I also run the body positive blogs fuckyeahchubbyguysofcolor and fatnudes, if you're into that sort of thing.
Anonymous said: I'm fat brown femme ugly and unloveable and a trans woman on top of all that. Your piece really deeply validates my experiences and I can't tell you how much it means to me. There were a couple of parts that didn't make the BGD piece, and I was wondering why. Quotes: "To ask someone to do the work it would take to love a body like mine feels like asking too much." and the part from "When I name myself as unloveable and cite my body as this source" to "I do not believe this to be a coincidence."
thank you so much for your feedback! it’s always bittersweet when i speak of pain and others resonate with it, but i think (hope) it’s comforting to know we are not alone.
my original essay was written for my tumblr and thus very personal. when i decided to submit it to BGD, i had to cut it down for length, since i am long fucking winded and it was about 400 words over the suggested limit. i cut those specific pieces out because they felt incredibly personal and vulnerable to submit to a site with the readership BGD has. ironically, they wanted more personal context for the piece to go on BGD, which is why i added more about my own history with sex and dating. in retrospect i feel those statements are important and address some critiques i have seen about the essay, but i am happy with the version that went to BGD.
thank you for your message! <3
I have become anti-romance because I cannot be invested in romantic love, because this investment is dangerous for my mental health. It is perpetual and intimate exposure to the interlocking systems of white supremacy, fat hatred, cissexism and more. Under these systems, my body can’t be neutral, or erotic, or desired without being fetishized beyond context and recognition. Further, my body is invisible in the alternate visions being created by those who wish to dismantle these systems, who are perhaps more invested in them than they/we/I want to admit or recognize.
Romantic love, as we understand it, is a colonial construct. It is an all-consuming, possessive, lifelong, monogamous endeavor that works to sustain capitalism and white supremacist heteropatriarchy via the nuclear family. We are told that this romantic love is essential, shaping it as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Were we to sustain ourselves on self-love, platonic love, and love of community, what could change? We could see the beauty of our interdependence, rather than individuals competing for higher wages and standards of living at the expense of each other. The formation of families, rather than communities, creates hierarchies of which people are worthy and deserving of our attention, protection and devotion. With a restructuring of romantic love as comparable to community/platonic/self-love, we begin to prioritize the care and livelihood of entire larger groups of people as equally important as our romantic partner/s.
In her piece “Moving Toward the Ugly: A Politic Beyond Desirability,” Mia Mingus pushes us to transcend a beauty binary and move towards what she calls magnificence, an embracement of the Ugly and the diversity of the body—of every body. Mingus frames beauty as an inherently exclusionary construction that erases people of color, trans and gender non-conforming folks, and disabled folks, specifically. With this in mind, I am still working through what it means to be ugly and be beautiful, and better understand my investment in beauty. If being “not beautiful” means not being or feeling “love-worthy” and if “love-worthy” means humanity, what does it mean for those of us who are not beautiful? What does love-worthy mean under a colonial construction of love and beauty founded on white supremacy and colonialism? Under these systems, is reclaiming beauty radical or assimilationist? Does it mean something different for my fat, brown, queer, femme, body than it does for others? Who decides? And who are the ugly we are leaving behind?
In high school I had these close guy friends, we’d been friends for years, we’d shared dreams and struggles and all that. and we were all into Buffy and they all liked Xander. and they all ditched me really suddenly as soon as I got my first boyfriend. That’s when I noticed they only kept women around as long as they were either potentially available or could be understood as an honorary guy
and that’s all you need to know about Xander Harris
Anonymous said: Do you mean you don't believe in romantic love at all? I def don't mean to be rude, but how do you navigate that with regard to dating? Or even with regard to seeing yourself as queer? Has it been complicated for you or do you just refrain from things like romance?
my queerness exists outside of who i fuck or date. asexuals and aromantic folks can be queer too. my queerness is also about how i move through the world, my politics and my community.
i think the answers to the rest of yr questions can be found here:
labrujamorgan said: 19, 47,63
19. Found out who your true friends were
yes of course. i am constantly in awe and gratitude of the love and tenderness my friends show me <3 <3 <3
47. Do you have a crush on someone
sorry, i don’t understand the question. do you mean could i crush a man’s head with my thighs???/ why, yes, of course!
63. Waiting for
more energy on kim k: hollywood tbh