personal/sexy time stuff under the cut
On deconstructing my body and how it informs my sex and sexuality
Eeep
If Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 2 came out a year ago today that means a year ago yesterday I woke up to find out I was losing my job. At that point I wasn’t really thinking about going to university or even leaving Houston. It’s been kind of a fucked up year and it’s bizarre to me how much can change in such little time. Maybe the next year will be… better.
So tonight after the Taco Bell thing I was thinking about when I was at my college orientation a couple of weeks ago and I got really hungry like, really early in the afternoon and I was embarrassed and frustrated by it and then mad that I got embarrassed and frustrated about it, because I knew that if I got a snack so early in the afternoon and no one else did everyone would be like, wtf, even though it had actually been several hours since I’d eaten, but being fat and eating in public is like, such a political thing? Because people assume we’re fat because everything all the time and if we would just STOP EATING and we wouldn’t be so GODDAMN FAT and sometimes it can become painfully obvious that everyone around you is thinking that in those situations, even though sometimes it’s just time to fucking eat ‘cause, like, that’s what bodies need.
And then I realized that my bestie and I actually eat in public all the time? Not just at restaurants or whatever but we really like parks and being outside so we’ll often get food and take it somewhere not specifically designated for eating and eat there without even thinking about it and I realized that is totally accidental and coincidental but also like, really awesome. But things are so much easier to do when you’re with another person.
But we had a really great night and I realized I felt really, genuinely happy and it’s been awhile since that happened and that excited me. I think things might be changing and I just kinda hope that’s here for awhile.
So today’s the second day in a row a total stranger has pointed me out solely to make fun of me/my body to their friends.
It seems like this is happening more often here. What’s the matter, Austin? You can’t handle this jelly?
Also my feelings aren’t hurt, I’m just annoyed I have to roll my eyes at bullshit even more than I already do in any given day. My body’s not your punchline, stay pressed.
Ok so I deleted my earlier post because I got an e-mail from my adviser but this is my actual forreal final schedule for the fall. This one seems less stressful so I am more excited now. Also I just realized all my anthropology class crosslist with women and gender studies, so that’s really exciting and productive!
WHOOPS
ffuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk
Things, a list
- My brother had emergency appendicitis surgery today. The nurse just called me, he just got out of surgery and is doing okay, but I wish I could be there with him.
- I have a job interview tomorrow
- I decided Okcupid was really bad for my mental health and deleted it
We’re here. I want to start unpacking but I can’t move. We’re not going to have Internet at home until Thursday so I’m already crying. I like this neighborhood, though. I have lots of brown neighbors, which is a nice change from my neighborhood in Houston.
Omg. Goodnight.
